The Chrismas Blues . . . by Kari Henkelmann Keyl

Departing from btw’s usual format this week (reflective blog, audio-skype conversation), I’d like to offer a brief but important reminder to all who happen to stop by.

These weeks leading up to Christmas celebrations (and other holidays/holy days) can be terribly sad times for many people. Some are missing loved ones who have died, and can’t imagine this season without them. Many are lonely all through the year, and this time of “merriness” just makes it feel worse. Plenty have lost their jobs, have other frightening financial concerns, or are devastated by broken relationships. Lots of pain out there. And inside of us as well.

Let’s take some time this week to pray for all who are grieving, all who are suffering from any kind of loss. Please be on the look-out for those who need some extra care. If you are among the heart-broken, let someone know. Let God know, too. Feel free to let the by the way community know, and perhaps we can share the load together.

Watchful God, you know well who is aching from loss, who needs recognition and healing care. Open our eyes to see the pain around us and within us. Create community where there is none. Mend our broken hearts… and send us out to do the same.

Lord Jesus, we remember you were part of a wandering homeless family.  You were born into a time and place where strangers were not welcomed, where the needy were trampled. You grew up in that world and saw God leading us home. Now, Lord, in this time and place, be our home. Give us safety… and forgiveness… and new life.

Spirit of God, implant in our very beings your lively energy, your bubbling hope. Give us confidence in your power over pain and death. When we are doubting and afraid, surround us with people who can be your messengers of hope. In your holy name we pray… amen.

Civility begins with emptiness . . . by Kari Henkelmann Keyl

It seems we are living in a world where rudeness rules. Incivility sells. We’re being “entertained” by having our blood boiled.

I’ve been hearing a lot of talk the past couple of years about “the end of civility” in America (video ; blog). I’m glad we’ve been talking about it. I hope someday we can grow out of it. But for now, it just seems to be getting worse.

The Supreme Court’s “Citizens United” decision has resulted in a stream of unbelievably uncivil attack ads “preparing” the voters for the upcoming elections. And I’ve been astounded at the disrespectfulness of the debates that I’ve peeked in on.

My 8th grade daughter was given a school assignment to watch a Fox News debate between our state’s (CT) gubernatorial candidates. Having never watched a debate before, she was excited about it. It was fun to see her eagerness to be part of this.

That’s where the fun ended. The candidates spent most of their time making fun of the other, speaking directly to each other in the most condescending of tones. “Bullying” was the word that kept coming to my mind. I was horrified that these two grown adults were speaking this way in front of my child. As she turned off the TV, her dismay poured out: “Are these the only two choices we have to be our next governor?”

There’s nothing new about incivility, of course. There’s nothing new about people being spittin’ angry and playing blaming power games to make themselves feel better or more important or “right”.

Jesus once told a story to people who were prettydam’ sure they were “right”, as long as they could spot a loser to compare themselves with. It’s the kind of “in your face” story that put Jesus on the hit lists of some powerful folk. Take a look, at this link: Luke 18:9-14.

If you’ve read this story before, you may be more familiar with an ending like this: For all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted. I love the way The Message version says it in picture language:  If you walk around with your nose in the air, you're going to end up flat on your face, but if you're content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.

Shoot. I wish Jesus would be running for governor.

I suppose with words like that, he wouldn’t get very far in a Fox News debate.

But what if I tried believing that Jesus is present at every debate -- standing there between the debaters with arms outstretched, sighing, crying, trying to tell the bullies they've been redeemed ("righted") already.   Sure cools down my boiling blood, gets me breathing easier, makes me hopeful.

This story Jesus tells can get us thinking: How do we talk to and about each other? How do we talk to God? And how does the way we relate to God affect the way we relate to people who are different from us?

Newsflash: Your relationship to God has nothing to do with how rotten other people are.  Your relationship to God has everything to do with how open-heartedly forgiving God is!

What would happen to the way we humans treat each other if we truly believed that? How would the incivility factor change if we all talked to God like the tax man in Jesus’ story: coming with open hands, unloading our emotional baggage, standing EMPTY before God, allowing God to fill us with new life and love.

Try out these words of prayer, written by Frank von Christierson. They can be sung with an ancient chant melody called  Adore te Devote  or just prayed in silence.  They just plain carry me into the heart of God...


Eternal Spirit of the living Christ,
I know not how to ask or what to say;
I only know my need, as deep as life,
and only you can teach me how to pray.

Come, pray in me the prayer I need this day:
help me to see your purpose and your will,
where I have failed, what I have done amiss;
held in forgiving love, let me be still.

Come with the vision and the strength I need
to serve my God and all humanity;
fulfillment of my life in love out-poured:
my life in you, O Christ, your love in me. Amen.


Please join the conversation here by leaving your comments and/or coming to an audio skype conversation: Thursday at 7pm (EST), October 20. You need to have downloaded the program from skype.com and have a microphone with your computer (as most laptops do). Then look for "bythewaycommunity" on skype.

Peace, civility, and holy emptiness be yours,
Kari

Pessimism or Persistence… What’s This Life For? by Pastor Bill Petersen

I’ve been stuck recently by the amount of pessimism in our world today and the amount of persistent injustice through harassment and bullying. One of the more visible examples is the death of gifted musician, Tyler Clementi who committed suicide September 22nd, apparently after discovering that his Rutgers University roommate live-streamed him in a homosexual encounter without Tyler’s knowledge. This harassment went beyond the sophomoric heterosexual webcam scene from the movie American Pie

and apparently Tyler was overcome by a level of pessimism he saw no way out from.

Given the rash of suicides (pessimism with a death sentence) resulting from bullying (persistence of provoked injustice), all I can do is wonder...

• What would be justice in these cases? and,

• What, in light of these examples of injustice, should we pray?

Thankfully God gives us the gift of prayer, a direct connection not for the outcome, but rather for relationship… God wants us to be in open communication, to be real with God, to authentically share our frustration, sorrow and pessimism with God persistently. God loves us so much that God wants us to share ourselves with God through honest, heartfelt conversation. Prayer does not necessarily immediately change things. There will still be pessimism and heartbreak in our lives, but God wants us to share all of our highs and lows with God. A relationship with God is built through ongoing conversation, us talking (sometimes yelling and screaming) and then listening, being quiet in God’s presence.

Prayer changes one self because God can be trusted more than any human relationship with others… and even with ourselves (for we often get in the way and sabotage our relationships through selfishness, control, and impatience). In the book of Luke, there is a lot of encouragement to pray. We are given examples of Jesus' praying, and if he of all people needed to pray, how much more do we need to (if we are honest with ourselves)?

In the story about the persistent widow in Luke, Jesus is trying to encourage his followers to see beyond their pessimism, recent set-backs and disappointments and their perceived lack of response from God. It seems to me that because even the judge caves in and gives justice to the widow, we can trust in God (who is all about unconditional love and justice) will love us and see that justice is done for you and me.

But the world is both good and evil. There is always injustice, someone or some system that takes advantage of the poor, the widowed, the alone, you and me… Harassment and bullying happen, even to the point of suicide. And we wonder, we get angry and we often forget, or defiantly don’t raise these concerns with God (the God who longs for us to do just that). In the end, Jesus' story is not about a sketchy judge and it's not about a pushy widow. In the end it's a story about God and about you and me. This story is about the God who has and will love you always. A God who will always listen to you

and be there for you, no matter what!

In the Creed song "What's This Life For?" the band wrestles with the suicide of a friend and they bring their music as a prayer to God. The band doesn’t sing a syrupy sweet praise to God, but an agonizing questioning prayer to God. Their song echoes the pessimism many experience and the question of life’s meaning in a world full of injustice…

Hurray for a child that makes it through

If there's any way, because the answer lies in you

Their laid to rest, before they've know just what to do

Their souls are lost, because they could never find

What's this life for

I see your soul it's kind of gray

You see my heart, you look away

You see my wrist, I know your pain

I know your purpose on your plane

Don't say a last prayer, because you could never find

What's this life for

But they ain't here anymore

Don't have to settle no goddamned score

Because we all live under the reign of one king

God the king whose reign we live under is one who wants us to bring our questions directly to God through prayer. The story of the persistent widow reminds us that justice comes, even in a world filled with unjust judges and persistent bullies to those who persist regardless of how much faith they have, or how pessimistic their reality.

So what injustice is in your life that makes you pessimistic? And, what, in light of your personal experience with injustice, do, or could you pray for?

Please share your thoughts and comments. If you would like to learn more about Pastor Bill Petersen and his ministry go to http://www.faithlutheranct.org/ .

How We Argue Fuss and Fight by Kathi Johnson, MDiv

We live in a complex world. It’s a world filled with many issues, many leaders, many voices – all wanting our attention, all screaming for our allegiance. And it feels to me as though we live in a world which is increasingly polarized: you’re either for me, or against me – there is no middle ground, and there is no kindness if you are against me.

Contrast this for-or-against attitude with the first part of the New Testament reading for this week, 1Timothy2:1-2:

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for everyone, for kings and all who are in high positions, so that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and dignity.

Prayers are to be prayed for everyone. Not just those we like, but everyone. Not just those with whom we agree, but everyone. Not just those with whom we already live at peace, but everyone. And isn’t it interesting, the direction in which the author goes after asking his readers to pray – he says that these prayers will lead us to “a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and dignity.”

I think that one reason why the text goes that direction is because it is harder to do battle against those for whom we have just prayed. If we are earnestly praying for another person or another group, God has a tendency to work on our own hearts as we are praying for others.

So...do you pray for those with whom you disagree?

Uh oh. Maybe now I’ve scared you a bit! Maybe now you don’t want to pray for (or even think about) That Person Over There because you really aren’t interested in having your own heart changed. You might even think, “There’s nothing wrong with my heart, God! Work on their heart, instead!”

And so, here we are, back to our for-or-against mindset yet again: I’m right. They’re wrong. My heart is right. Their hearts are wrong. And often, out of this attitude, we find ourselves arguing with others, forgetting all about the call to pray for them.

I found an article about fighting at the Psychology Today website, and while the article is obviously referring to arguments within a relationship, I think there is wisdom for how we relate to each other in public arguments, too. Disagreement with someone can be handled in a way which promotes respect - all it takes is a bit of intentional thinking before we speak.

And sometimes we must realize that, even if it feels right, sometimes speaking is not the right thing to do. Sometimes, our words will be lost on the other person or group – and it is precisely at these times when we should pray, lifting up our words of anger and frustration to God, and asking for the right words to speak in our conversations with others.

Think of times when you have disagreed with others - has the conversation been respectful? If so, how was that respect communicated? If not, what can you do (for your part) to make the conversation more respectful?

Let us then live in quietness and peace with others.

Let us pray:
Gracious and holy God,
Lead us from death to life,
From falsehood to truth.
Lead us from despair to hope,
From fear to trust.
Lead us from hate to love,
From war to peace.
Let peace fill our heaerts,
Our world,
Our universe;
Through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord.
Amen.

(This prayer is a prayer for Peace, found in Evangelical Lutheran Worship, p. 76)

Please share your thoughts here and engage in the conversation.

November's Deepening Spirit

As a kid, November was for me the dreariest of months. The reason was simple: I loved October and did not want to see it come to an end! October was the month of so many of my favorite things: my favorite color (orange), my favorite friends in the natural world (trees, in all their glory), and my favorite day (Oct. 27, my birthday, of course), just to name a few.

While that kid in me is still alive in full force, the grown-up in me sees a bit more going on in November. I see the dreariness, the darkening, the dying taking place in nature… and it makes me more aware of the deeper, darker things going on inside me and around me. I look out on my beloved trees naked and unadorned, and I think about who I am when all my decorative layers are stripped away... and who I will be when my life comes to an end.

There’s an honesty to this month that can be compelling. One of the things November reminds me to be honest about is death. Death is a part of life, whether I deny it or accept it, run from it or face it head on.

I was just about to write about why death is especially on my mind: that I have an uncle who is in the last stage of his battle with stomach cancer, and I’m wondering when the phone call will come. Before I could type the words, the phone call came.

My Uncle Art died this morning. It’s really true, I’m trying to convince myself. And I’m suddenly a mess of emotions… from gratefulness for all I’ve received from this dear person in my life… to anger that cancer eats away at our loved ones… to peacefulness in knowing his pain is over and he’s resting in God’s arms… to intense sadness for each person I know who will miss him so much. Including me.

Would you be willing to stop whatever it is that you were doing and pray with me? These words capture some of what I'm praying now:

O Living God, my listener, my savior… I don’t want to believe that death is real. I want to keep pretending I am invincible and so are the ones I love. But reality tells me otherwise. And so do you.
With your powerful Spirit, connect me to all those who grieve, all who are facing death, and all who are willing to care and to heal.
Hold us close. Give us strength to keep following Jesus, even when that way is painful. Fill us with confidence that through Jesus’ gift of life, we will live again after death… with you and those who have gone before us.
In Jesus’ name we pray…

Peace to you in your struggles and in your joys. Please feel free to share them, on this blog or over a cup of coffee… anytime. Thank you for your prayers, your spirit given in love.

~ Kari Henkelmann Keyl