Thursday Thoughts

I wonder why you care, God--
why do you bother with us at all?
All we are is a puff of air;
we're like shadows in a campfire.

I was reading Eugene Peterson's version of Psalm 144 -- just opened up The Message to a random page -- while I waited for my computer to find the website I wanted. And these four lines grabbed my attention.

Like shadows in a campfire... quite an image. Ever felt that way? Like your life and all its accomplishments were as lasting as the illusive shifts of flickering flames?

It's a humbling thought. Humbling can be good in small doses. Depressing in large doses, sure. But I don't mind being humbled if I can feel safe at the same time.

If I'm meeting with my boss, and she's someone I greatly admire, I'll feel that appropriate humility, since she's in the big time and I'm doing the small stuff. If she's one known to throw around her power, that humility is a frightening, smallifying thing. But if I know her to be compassionate and fair, someone I deeply trust, someone who's doing an incredible job at her level while respecting my contribution as well... then the humbling feels right.

Today I'll be packing up the tent and sleeping bag to do some camping over the weekend. One of the things I most look forward to is sitting by the campfire, feeling that sense of utter calm, mesmerized by the dancing flames. Loving the beyond-description beauty. Each flame, each shadow, contributing it's own illusive color to the canvas.

I wonder why you care, God... Are you mesmerized by the dance of humanity, by all of us individual flames, so fleeting, so small, yet each distinct in its beauty? How amazing you are that you can love us, each one of us, and treasure us in your heart. I can't fully understand you, but I can trust you. I trust you to hold little me as precious, to value my contribution to the whole. Help me hold on to this trust, to feel safe, to know that even though my life here on earth is short, that my life in you will dance on and on...

If you find some time this weekend to sit quietly and imagine your place, and God's place, in the universe... I hope you'll feel free to share your musings here. Have a good one.

Peace,
Kari

You are not alone

“Having trouble adjusting to the ‘real world’ after twentysomething years in school? You are not alone.”

That’s a quote from http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/, a website that connects people in their twenties and thirties to one another in a supportive community. Webmaster Abby Wilner does a terrific job of helping people realize they’re not supposed to have it all together. There are so many others who are facing similar frustrations and fears, so there’s no use beating yourself up when you can instead use that energy to reach out to others who can understand.

You are not alone.

This time of year, I suspect, we need to hear those words more than ever.

All around us are signs of holiday cheer, encouraging us to hope for that idealized December of our dreams. Searching for that perfect gift can be such a lonely business, especially when you don’t have the finances to cover it or the time to go out and find it. And I don’t know about you, but I can get weepy at moment’s notice… when I yearn for a past I can’t go home to… when I desperately miss dear ones who have died… when the stresses are just too much to handle.

Anyone out there know what I’m talking about? I need to know I’m not alone. What keeps you going when you’re drowning in inadequacies and running from sorrows?

Earlier today I was looking through The Message, Eugene Peterson’s “everyday language” version of the bible, hoping for a pick-me-up. It didn’t take long before I found myself in the lush meadows of Psalm 23 with my shepherd close beside me. These words especially grabbed me:
True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction…
Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I’m not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherd’s crook makes me feel secure…
(and this is my favorite…)
Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life.

God’s beauty and love are chasing after me? I love that. God’s out there pursuing me, eager to place in my hands the gift I’m groping for, if only I’ll give up on trying to earn it with my own wonderfulness.

God’s beauty and love are tapping me on the shoulder, waiting for notice.

I am… truly… not alone.

It’s images like that that keep me going, keep me energized, keep me tapping on the shoulders of others who might need some of that God-beauty and God-love to be chasing after them. I may not have the perfect gift to hand them… but I can offer myself, unadorned, the way I am, the me that hungers to reach out to others and have others reach back…

So can I really stop beating myself up for not having it all together… and begin to see and feel the beauty that is all around and inside me? I hope I can… and I hope will not be alone.

Kari Henkelmann Keyl