November's Deepening Spirit

As a kid, November was for me the dreariest of months. The reason was simple: I loved October and did not want to see it come to an end! October was the month of so many of my favorite things: my favorite color (orange), my favorite friends in the natural world (trees, in all their glory), and my favorite day (Oct. 27, my birthday, of course), just to name a few.

While that kid in me is still alive in full force, the grown-up in me sees a bit more going on in November. I see the dreariness, the darkening, the dying taking place in nature… and it makes me more aware of the deeper, darker things going on inside me and around me. I look out on my beloved trees naked and unadorned, and I think about who I am when all my decorative layers are stripped away... and who I will be when my life comes to an end.

There’s an honesty to this month that can be compelling. One of the things November reminds me to be honest about is death. Death is a part of life, whether I deny it or accept it, run from it or face it head on.

I was just about to write about why death is especially on my mind: that I have an uncle who is in the last stage of his battle with stomach cancer, and I’m wondering when the phone call will come. Before I could type the words, the phone call came.

My Uncle Art died this morning. It’s really true, I’m trying to convince myself. And I’m suddenly a mess of emotions… from gratefulness for all I’ve received from this dear person in my life… to anger that cancer eats away at our loved ones… to peacefulness in knowing his pain is over and he’s resting in God’s arms… to intense sadness for each person I know who will miss him so much. Including me.

Would you be willing to stop whatever it is that you were doing and pray with me? These words capture some of what I'm praying now:

O Living God, my listener, my savior… I don’t want to believe that death is real. I want to keep pretending I am invincible and so are the ones I love. But reality tells me otherwise. And so do you.
With your powerful Spirit, connect me to all those who grieve, all who are facing death, and all who are willing to care and to heal.
Hold us close. Give us strength to keep following Jesus, even when that way is painful. Fill us with confidence that through Jesus’ gift of life, we will live again after death… with you and those who have gone before us.
In Jesus’ name we pray…

Peace to you in your struggles and in your joys. Please feel free to share them, on this blog or over a cup of coffee… anytime. Thank you for your prayers, your spirit given in love.

~ Kari Henkelmann Keyl