Civility begins with emptiness . . . by Kari Henkelmann Keyl

It seems we are living in a world where rudeness rules. Incivility sells. We’re being “entertained” by having our blood boiled.

I’ve been hearing a lot of talk the past couple of years about “the end of civility” in America (video ; blog). I’m glad we’ve been talking about it. I hope someday we can grow out of it. But for now, it just seems to be getting worse.

The Supreme Court’s “Citizens United” decision has resulted in a stream of unbelievably uncivil attack ads “preparing” the voters for the upcoming elections. And I’ve been astounded at the disrespectfulness of the debates that I’ve peeked in on.

My 8th grade daughter was given a school assignment to watch a Fox News debate between our state’s (CT) gubernatorial candidates. Having never watched a debate before, she was excited about it. It was fun to see her eagerness to be part of this.

That’s where the fun ended. The candidates spent most of their time making fun of the other, speaking directly to each other in the most condescending of tones. “Bullying” was the word that kept coming to my mind. I was horrified that these two grown adults were speaking this way in front of my child. As she turned off the TV, her dismay poured out: “Are these the only two choices we have to be our next governor?”

There’s nothing new about incivility, of course. There’s nothing new about people being spittin’ angry and playing blaming power games to make themselves feel better or more important or “right”.

Jesus once told a story to people who were prettydam’ sure they were “right”, as long as they could spot a loser to compare themselves with. It’s the kind of “in your face” story that put Jesus on the hit lists of some powerful folk. Take a look, at this link: Luke 18:9-14.

If you’ve read this story before, you may be more familiar with an ending like this: For all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted. I love the way The Message version says it in picture language:  If you walk around with your nose in the air, you're going to end up flat on your face, but if you're content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.

Shoot. I wish Jesus would be running for governor.

I suppose with words like that, he wouldn’t get very far in a Fox News debate.

But what if I tried believing that Jesus is present at every debate -- standing there between the debaters with arms outstretched, sighing, crying, trying to tell the bullies they've been redeemed ("righted") already.   Sure cools down my boiling blood, gets me breathing easier, makes me hopeful.

This story Jesus tells can get us thinking: How do we talk to and about each other? How do we talk to God? And how does the way we relate to God affect the way we relate to people who are different from us?

Newsflash: Your relationship to God has nothing to do with how rotten other people are.  Your relationship to God has everything to do with how open-heartedly forgiving God is!

What would happen to the way we humans treat each other if we truly believed that? How would the incivility factor change if we all talked to God like the tax man in Jesus’ story: coming with open hands, unloading our emotional baggage, standing EMPTY before God, allowing God to fill us with new life and love.

Try out these words of prayer, written by Frank von Christierson. They can be sung with an ancient chant melody called  Adore te Devote  or just prayed in silence.  They just plain carry me into the heart of God...


Eternal Spirit of the living Christ,
I know not how to ask or what to say;
I only know my need, as deep as life,
and only you can teach me how to pray.

Come, pray in me the prayer I need this day:
help me to see your purpose and your will,
where I have failed, what I have done amiss;
held in forgiving love, let me be still.

Come with the vision and the strength I need
to serve my God and all humanity;
fulfillment of my life in love out-poured:
my life in you, O Christ, your love in me. Amen.


Please join the conversation here by leaving your comments and/or coming to an audio skype conversation: Thursday at 7pm (EST), October 20. You need to have downloaded the program from skype.com and have a microphone with your computer (as most laptops do). Then look for "bythewaycommunity" on skype.

Peace, civility, and holy emptiness be yours,
Kari

Pessimism or Persistence… What’s This Life For? by Pastor Bill Petersen

I’ve been stuck recently by the amount of pessimism in our world today and the amount of persistent injustice through harassment and bullying. One of the more visible examples is the death of gifted musician, Tyler Clementi who committed suicide September 22nd, apparently after discovering that his Rutgers University roommate live-streamed him in a homosexual encounter without Tyler’s knowledge. This harassment went beyond the sophomoric heterosexual webcam scene from the movie American Pie

and apparently Tyler was overcome by a level of pessimism he saw no way out from.

Given the rash of suicides (pessimism with a death sentence) resulting from bullying (persistence of provoked injustice), all I can do is wonder...

• What would be justice in these cases? and,

• What, in light of these examples of injustice, should we pray?

Thankfully God gives us the gift of prayer, a direct connection not for the outcome, but rather for relationship… God wants us to be in open communication, to be real with God, to authentically share our frustration, sorrow and pessimism with God persistently. God loves us so much that God wants us to share ourselves with God through honest, heartfelt conversation. Prayer does not necessarily immediately change things. There will still be pessimism and heartbreak in our lives, but God wants us to share all of our highs and lows with God. A relationship with God is built through ongoing conversation, us talking (sometimes yelling and screaming) and then listening, being quiet in God’s presence.

Prayer changes one self because God can be trusted more than any human relationship with others… and even with ourselves (for we often get in the way and sabotage our relationships through selfishness, control, and impatience). In the book of Luke, there is a lot of encouragement to pray. We are given examples of Jesus' praying, and if he of all people needed to pray, how much more do we need to (if we are honest with ourselves)?

In the story about the persistent widow in Luke, Jesus is trying to encourage his followers to see beyond their pessimism, recent set-backs and disappointments and their perceived lack of response from God. It seems to me that because even the judge caves in and gives justice to the widow, we can trust in God (who is all about unconditional love and justice) will love us and see that justice is done for you and me.

But the world is both good and evil. There is always injustice, someone or some system that takes advantage of the poor, the widowed, the alone, you and me… Harassment and bullying happen, even to the point of suicide. And we wonder, we get angry and we often forget, or defiantly don’t raise these concerns with God (the God who longs for us to do just that). In the end, Jesus' story is not about a sketchy judge and it's not about a pushy widow. In the end it's a story about God and about you and me. This story is about the God who has and will love you always. A God who will always listen to you

and be there for you, no matter what!

In the Creed song "What's This Life For?" the band wrestles with the suicide of a friend and they bring their music as a prayer to God. The band doesn’t sing a syrupy sweet praise to God, but an agonizing questioning prayer to God. Their song echoes the pessimism many experience and the question of life’s meaning in a world full of injustice…

Hurray for a child that makes it through

If there's any way, because the answer lies in you

Their laid to rest, before they've know just what to do

Their souls are lost, because they could never find

What's this life for

I see your soul it's kind of gray

You see my heart, you look away

You see my wrist, I know your pain

I know your purpose on your plane

Don't say a last prayer, because you could never find

What's this life for

But they ain't here anymore

Don't have to settle no goddamned score

Because we all live under the reign of one king

God the king whose reign we live under is one who wants us to bring our questions directly to God through prayer. The story of the persistent widow reminds us that justice comes, even in a world filled with unjust judges and persistent bullies to those who persist regardless of how much faith they have, or how pessimistic their reality.

So what injustice is in your life that makes you pessimistic? And, what, in light of your personal experience with injustice, do, or could you pray for?

Please share your thoughts and comments. If you would like to learn more about Pastor Bill Petersen and his ministry go to http://www.faithlutheranct.org/ .

Wrangling Over Words by Kathi Johnson, MDiv

I was thinking today about an argument I had with someone once. This argument turned into a real doozy - we were yelling at each other, we slammed doors, and I shed some tears. You know what’s interesting? I can’t even remember what we were fighting about! All I’m left with is the memory of each of us angering the other with our words - words which escalated our emotions higher and higher until we parted for a time to cool down.

After this particular fight, there were more words - quieter words, words spoken in caution but also with love. It wasn’t easy, but we both saw that we had misused our gift of words in order to hurt the other, and we both saw our need to both apologize and forgive the other.

Americans are very concerned about words. I think this concern goes back to our community ideal of free speech. There are many who say that people should be able to say or write whatever they want to, and while I, as an American citizen, am a recipient of this particular gift, I also often wonder: shouldn’t we use our free speech with more responsibility?

When I think about free speech, I think often of what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:23: “‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things are beneficial. ‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things build up.”

“Not all things build up.” In other words, while we can say whatever we want and know that legally, at least, we have some protection on our side, do we ever think about the effect our words will have on others? How much care do we show to others in the use of our words? All things might be allowed, but does that mean we should stretch that allowance to its fullest measure, even beyond human compassion?

The Surpreme Court is deliberating a case about one church’s use of words as they protest at military funerals. There are lots of arguments given by people on both sides - there is a lot of “free speech” language floating around - and a lot of focus on what’s right according to the laws of the land. But - to return to 1 Corinthians for a second - when I read about this case, I am left asking, what about what is beneficial to others?

Down here in Texas, where I live, the political ads for the governor’s race have begun in earnest. One recent ad had a candidate saying that the incumbent is only in it for himself. Lo and behold, a few days later, the incumbent released an ad saying that the other candidate is only in it for himself. I’ve often wondered why candidates feel it necessary to tear down the other, rather than focusing on what they themselves will do for the people?

2 Timothy 2:8-15 has some advice about our words: that we should avoid wrangling over them, because it is that wrangling which ruins all who are involved, and doesn’t do anything for anyone. And so, because of these results, I wonder again: shouldn’t we use our free speech with more responsibility?

I’m thinking again about the times in my own life when I haven’t used my free speech with responsibility. There have often been consequences for what I have said - a relationship has been broken for a time, or someone has been hurt. But, as I think over these times, I am also reminded of the times when I have messed up, and when I have gathered up all my courage to go to that person and I have used my words - sometimes broken and unsure - to apologize. And in return, I have received words of forgiveness from that other person.

I thank God for the times when we do speak or write words which build others up, rather than tear them down. And I pray for us all to use our words well: to use them wisely as we relate to others, and to use them to give our praises to God.

“By your word, eternal God, your creation sprang forth, and we were given the breath of life. By your word, eternal God, death is overcome, Christ is raised from the tomb, and we are given new life in the power of your Spirit. May we boldly proclaim this good news in our words and our deeds, rejoicing always in your powerful presence; through Jesus Christ, our risen Lord. Amen.”
-Prayer for Spread of the Gospel, Evangelical Lutheran Worship, p. 75