How We Argue Fuss and Fight by Kathi Johnson, MDiv

We live in a complex world. It’s a world filled with many issues, many leaders, many voices – all wanting our attention, all screaming for our allegiance. And it feels to me as though we live in a world which is increasingly polarized: you’re either for me, or against me – there is no middle ground, and there is no kindness if you are against me.

Contrast this for-or-against attitude with the first part of the New Testament reading for this week, 1Timothy2:1-2:

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for everyone, for kings and all who are in high positions, so that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and dignity.

Prayers are to be prayed for everyone. Not just those we like, but everyone. Not just those with whom we agree, but everyone. Not just those with whom we already live at peace, but everyone. And isn’t it interesting, the direction in which the author goes after asking his readers to pray – he says that these prayers will lead us to “a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and dignity.”

I think that one reason why the text goes that direction is because it is harder to do battle against those for whom we have just prayed. If we are earnestly praying for another person or another group, God has a tendency to work on our own hearts as we are praying for others.

So...do you pray for those with whom you disagree?

Uh oh. Maybe now I’ve scared you a bit! Maybe now you don’t want to pray for (or even think about) That Person Over There because you really aren’t interested in having your own heart changed. You might even think, “There’s nothing wrong with my heart, God! Work on their heart, instead!”

And so, here we are, back to our for-or-against mindset yet again: I’m right. They’re wrong. My heart is right. Their hearts are wrong. And often, out of this attitude, we find ourselves arguing with others, forgetting all about the call to pray for them.

I found an article about fighting at the Psychology Today website, and while the article is obviously referring to arguments within a relationship, I think there is wisdom for how we relate to each other in public arguments, too. Disagreement with someone can be handled in a way which promotes respect - all it takes is a bit of intentional thinking before we speak.

And sometimes we must realize that, even if it feels right, sometimes speaking is not the right thing to do. Sometimes, our words will be lost on the other person or group – and it is precisely at these times when we should pray, lifting up our words of anger and frustration to God, and asking for the right words to speak in our conversations with others.

Think of times when you have disagreed with others - has the conversation been respectful? If so, how was that respect communicated? If not, what can you do (for your part) to make the conversation more respectful?

Let us then live in quietness and peace with others.

Let us pray:
Gracious and holy God,
Lead us from death to life,
From falsehood to truth.
Lead us from despair to hope,
From fear to trust.
Lead us from hate to love,
From war to peace.
Let peace fill our heaerts,
Our world,
Our universe;
Through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord.
Amen.

(This prayer is a prayer for Peace, found in Evangelical Lutheran Worship, p. 76)

Please share your thoughts here and engage in the conversation.