As we came together and reflected on the Eulogy Maria Shrive gave for her mother, it struck me that in the poem there is a line “your love has brought me to my knees,” both love and loss have brought Maria to her knees. How have you been stopped by your emotions or what triggered you to fall to your knees? In the case of Jesus the loss and the love Jesus had for Lazarus brought him to his knees. He was both angry and compassionate simultaneously. Jesus experienced a flood of emotions as he came into the village. So what does this have to do with us?
I thank Helen for commenting on my initial thoughts. It is very difficult to share with anyone a loss that stops you in your tracks. I cannot describe the situation that brought me to my knees. I know what caused it but it is difficult to articulate and even more difficult to share with others. My poor husband witnessed it and he was at a loss for how to help. In many ways there is no way to help in the moment other than to be present and to love a person through it. As the person brought to their knees it is important that you can hang on to a ray of hope that you will get through the next hour, the next day and so forth. Maria Shriver said at the Women’s Conference 2009 round table discussion on Grief, Healing and Resilience, “The real truth is that I am not fine.” She goes on to tell how she is working through the grief. Lisa Niemi, Patrick Swayze’s wife also spoke. Lisa said, “When the grief takes you, it’s like your body is not your own. I’m just going with the flow. I know I have to go through it.” Lisa will also appear on Oprah today, to discuss her life. Maria Shirver shared that Kelly Preston had agreed to join in the roundtable but she had called and said "it was just too painful to talk about Jett, the grief was still too debilitating for her". http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20315810,00. Everyone grieves differently and time passes differently.
Everyone who has been able to live through the grief generally references, friends and or family who accompanied them through the process of grieving and the passage of time. This week on the Biggest Loser Abby Rike was voted off, she had lost her husband and children and she used food to cope and the opportunity to be on the Biggest Loser helped her, “join life again”, check out her story http://tvwatch.people.com/2009/10/29/biggest-losers-abby-rike-i-have-rejoined-life/
.
The reason I chose the second reflection the song Soul Cakes by Sting is some of the commentary I heard from Sting. Soul cakes were put outside the house for the souls that had been lost but were really there for those in need. The people who needed food would eat the soul cakes and say a prayer for the family. It is interesting that there are many traditions around remembering the dead. I know I grew up going to the cemetery regularly to honor my grandparents, who I really did not know in life. I only recently realized that not every family had rituals around remembering those who had died. I find it comforting to reflect on what those who have died had taught me. I feel that I honor their life whenever I pass on what they have taught me. Sting talks about winter as a time of reflection you can link to this interview to hear more about his motivation behind this new cd http://edition.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/10/29/sting.music/.
I would encourage you to spend some time thinking about what you have gained from those you have lost. Take a few minutes and write down what you want others to learn from you and continue to give that to others. Also, what did you learn from a loss that you remember often and want to share with others?
I know that my understanding of God’s love helped me through my difficult times and I want to share that lesson with others.
May you find peace and comfort this week.
1 comment:
There are many interesting traditions around remembering the dead. My family practiced two of them. Before Christmas, particularly Advent, My father would take emptied out walnut halves and fill them with water and place them on the kitchen window sill for all our lost loved ones. He taught us to make sure to keep them filled.
My great aunts, who were Russian Orthodox had a lovely icon of the Virgin Mary with Baby Jesus set up on a corner shelf. Below it hung a brass hanger which held a glass votive candle. Again, during the holidays the light was perpetual and fresh votives constantly replaced the burned down ones. Similar to the eternal lights hanging in the sanctuaries of churches. I had never heard of soul cakes - but I suppose there are a lot more traditions we have not heard about. I hope a few of us share here.
So what have I gained from those I have lost. My mother was very brave. As I look back, I would think that for someone who enjoyed music and dancing, it must have been hard being faced with life in a wheelchair and keep a positive attitude for your family. I'd say she taught me to always put on my best face in the face of diversity and I believe I have been able to do so during my life.
I would like folks to learn from my positivity and give that to others in the form of hope. It is true that we always won't know what to say in the time of a person's loss. Sometimes our presence is healing enough... we may have had a loss, but we are not alone. We are surrounded by friends and family and that in itself is comforting.
From loss, there is always some form of renewal. My favorite saying is that God never closes one door without opening another. It may not be immediate, but we will stumble across it and then look back and recognize it as a God moment.
Post a Comment